5 Questions to Ask Before You Hire Anyone to Help Care for Your Parent

You’ve been in that position before—you’re about to give away the keys to something special, and your stomach just cannot lie down? You’ve been in that situation before when you’re about to give somebody the keys to something precious, but your stomach just won’t shut up.

It’s like when you have parent work. Not as if you’re getting a dog walker or a mowing company. You are introducing someone into your mother and father’s life – their habits, their house, their self-respect.

So how will you ever be able to tell if they’re a good match before you invest all your money into them?

You ask questions. Real ones. Not the “are you reliable?” kind of “reliable” but the “are you dependable” is kind of reliable.

If you’re looking to hire an agency, a family member or friend in a more formal care-giving role, or even an independent caregiver, here are five questions to ask first.

1. What Does a Typical Day Look Like With You?

This is an easy question to ask, but it will give you a lot of information. You want to hear specifics, not vague assurances. Does this person discuss preparing meals, reminding your parents to take medication, and getting your parents around safely? Or do they simply say, “whatever happens” and then move on?

Good caregivers typically have a “flow” or “rhythm” in their thinking about a day: they have a sense of what comes before a job and what follows, as well as what is important to the person in their care besides the work plan. When someone can’t tell you what a normal shift is, that’s something that can be seen.

It’s also a great time to mention the cost and coverage—this is a topic that is on every family’s mind but might not be verbalized. Consider using the Nebraska Medicaid Waiver programs to help cover services that assist families in offsetting costs for in-home care, such as personal care, companion care, or respite, for those who qualify.

Each waiver program has specific services and eligibility criteria, so you should inquire directly if the caregiver (or agency) has experience providing services under a waiver program or if the services are private pay only. This is a practical one and the sooner it is asked, the better it is for everyone later.

2. How Do You Handle It When Something Doesn’t Go As Planned?

Caregiving is not always as it’s supposed to be. It’s a bad morning for someone. It’s almost fall. Parent doesn’t take medication and will not explain. You want to see how this person thinks, not how he/she follows a checklist.

Please provide a true story: “Give me an instance where something unexpected happened when you were taking care of someone. What did you do?”. Look for a quiet tone of voice in the process of solving the problem, not panic or defense. Someone who remains calm and is clear with communication even if things go wrong in the day.

In the Omaha area, this is a good place to find out local experience as well. Local knowledge and experience with in-home care in Omaha can be very valuable when it comes to knowing who’s available, whether that’s a home health partner or community programs, or even transportation services — something you’d never want to miss.

3. What Kind of Training or Experience Do You Actually Have?

It’s a simple one, but because it’s “awkward” to ask, don’t skip it. You need details: certifications, years of experience, if they’ve worked with someone with similar needs to your parent, and if they know CPR or first aid.

It’s not a requirement that you have a medical degree. There are lots of great caregivers who don’t have formal training! Many great caregivers experience life! You want them to be honest about their knowledge and lack of knowledge; you don’t want them to overestimate themselves, saying “I’ve already done that!”.

4. How Will You Keep Me in the Loop?

If you aren’t able to stay every day, you still want to know what is going on. Ask the person how he/she will communicate with you. Are they going to text them shortly after their visit? Have a notebook at home? If it doesn’t sound right, call!

The technique itself is not important; it is a habit. What you’re asking is, am I going to be a team player or am I going to be a blind man in the dark? A caregiver who has a lot of experience interacting with families will most likely be able to respond quite easily with a comfortable answer here.

5. What Would You Do If My Parent Didn’t Want Your Help That Day?

This is perhaps the most telling question on the list, and one that many families overlook. Sometimes parents do not want to be helped when they do need it. The sense of pride comes in the way. The sense of independence is fading. Your mom may never want someone to take care of her, and some days your dad may want no one at all.

You need someone who can do that well — who knows that you can go too far and lose trust and that you can go too far too little. Question them about what they would do. The most effective solutions generally involve patience, respect, and a small amount of gentle persistence.

Trust Your Gut, But Ask the Questions Anyway

Hiring help for a parent is one of those decisions that mixes logic and instinct in equal measure. The questions above won’t replace your gut feeling, but they’ll give you something solid to stand on when you’re making the call. Take your time, ask follow-up questions when an answer feels too smooth, and don’t be afraid to request a trial visit before committing something ongoing. The right person will welcome the questions, not shy away from them.